Mike Friedman

Are there any “NORMAL” chicks out there?

// February 21st, 2009 // Sup

Setting: Last night of our 2009 Garmin Team Presentation, all together, dancing to 80’s,90’s, and latest hits at the Foundry in Boulder, Colorado.

The dude: Me, full beard, overweight but still sexy, argyle sweater, nice slacks, no food in stomach, and about 6 drinks. About two hoots from the moon…

The initial meeting: I’m wandering around going from one group to the next. Most of the groups contain guys from my team, so I’m just “harvesting the crops” if you would. They strike up a convo, I swoop in, say to myself yay or nay, and keep on truckin. I’m near the pool tables with the Pate, his date, Cozza and himself, and a few other peeps and this chick walks up and says,

“Hey, I have hit on you four separate times tonight and you haven’t done one thing about it!”

Me: (In my head) “whoa, two chicks just cornered me”, “ugh” “Nay good damsel” “I must move”. (Out Loud) “Okay, well here’s my cell phone number, and I wrote it on her hand and off I went.

That was it, until the next evening, three days from then. (that’s sort of confusing, but me like)

 

I get a text, “Hey it’s WEIRDO” (code word for her name sorry folks, don’t want any desperate guys googling this chick)

I do what’s best when I don’t know the number, “delete”.

Text, “since you didn’t respond, I wanted to say it was really great getting to meet you the other night, I had so much fun”

-now I know I didn’t talk to this chick, I didn’t even play pool with her! I was too busy watching the Pate work some magic and thought it was hilarious so I guess she must have been hanging around the group I was frolicking in.

About three weeks go by and I’m in Boulder meeting with my coach for dinner. He thinks it would be a great idea to have a little dinner party and celebrate nutrition and friendships and asks if I know anyone to invite outside of our normal social gathering. It clicks, and I say yeah, this chick, lives here in Boulder, but works in the city and we’ve had a correspondence recently, I’ll invite her.

 

Me: (texting)-hey, would you care to come to dinner tonight with some friends and I? It’s super casual, wine, good food, laughs etc.

Her: “Sure, what time and where”

I give her directions and lets bare in mind I don’t remember for the life of me what she looks like, and the other male and female friends present at our little gathering are all poking fun, and I’m telling them that we all have to be nice and make her feel like she fits in etc. If this was a public forum for discussion I would have them confirm this, but as we know from all of my other stories this is a true story, and I don’t hold back much, save for a few names.

Nonetheless, I tell her to call me when she gets close and I will walk outside and give her the last few streets while talking to her on the phone as they are “more difficult” to locate. Not really, but how else am I going to know which girl she is? It’s Boulder, where the chicks flow like wine.

Okay, hitting a 2x fast forward:

-yes, meeting her again sober was weird,

-yes, of I judged her from both a gentlemanly and shallow point of view, lets not lie here, she was thinking it too. Yeah yeah, girls don’t fart.

We are all sitting at the dinner table now, food is great, first course is done and we are into the main meal.

Al starts the topic of nutrition and we are queued in listening to his thoughts and why beets are an excellent source to detox ones self…it’s me, Al, and three girls, one being my “text date”, so 5 people total.

Well we get to that silent period after someone makes a joke that’s just slightly awkward, it may have been me, I can’t remember, but my “Text date” (TD) says, “well you know what I do for nutritional value?”

Me: in my head- “oh wow it talks too!” What do you do?

TD: “well it’s kind of gross but I will tell you anyways”

Me: in my head- “man these beets sure are delicious”

PREPARE YOURSELF-i’m eating, mouthful of beets and sauteed onions with blueberries or something, and she blurts this out

TD: “well, before my friends give birth, I ask them for their placentas afterward. I take each placenta pray over it to change it’s energy and then bury it for six moons until it ferments a little bit. I then dig it up, and blend it with Vodka to make a nutritionally dense tincture, taking 3 drops daily. It full fills all my supplemental needs”

Me: -I’ve already kicked the other person closest to me in the shin, and I’m giving this chick the blankest stare of disbelief. 

Fast forward 2x

We decide we are going to go for after dinner drinks at a pub just down the road. It’s snowing really bad, which made the roads really slick, to the point where you could run and slide nearly 20 feet. Me and my other two companions, not TD nor my dinner host, run and slide 15 times to the pub. Laughing the whole way cause it’s fun, and all asking WTF questions about my invited dinner guest. By the time the other two arrive i’m already half done with my hot cocoa and peppermint schnapps. They order their drinks, I can certainly tell she’s mad. It must be that “innate” nature in a man that can tell when a woman is really upset haha.

I eventually go and sit across from her again, but was still so cold and wet from sliding that I went back by the heaters and my hot cocoa, only to do the exact same thing when we left. Run and slide all the way home. This was bad ass snow people! You could seriously slide a long ways, and I wasn’t about to pass this up. I’m kid at heart .

Back in the parking lot, she gets in her car, and calls me over. I know she’s going to say something, I don’t even prepare myself, because at this point who cares. My dinner host had pretty much taken over, so I was off the hook. She tells me off in a stern fairly loud voice how she’s never been ditched by a guy before, never been treated “this way”, where she’s from and what she’s used to are guys catering to her, how it was a very humbling experience, and that she was pissed”. 

Me: “Well, text me when  you get home and let me know if you make it safely”

Never did hear from her again.

 

Now maybe I was a bit “rude”, maybe I wasn’t an understanding gentleman after a certain point, but that isn’t the point of this story is it.

Hope you had a few laughs, because I’m still having nightmares! HA!