Mike Friedman

Problematic Boner, and Methods for Counteracting While on Massage Table

// May 17th, 2008 // Sup

Have you experienced a massage?

Have you ever experienced a massage after a few a days of racing?

I’m not saying I have a problem, as I’ve never popped a tent while on the table, but I’ve heard that it happens. I got into an deep conversation pertaining to this very subject with one of our attractive female soigneurs. She insisted that I tell her the secret of Anti-Tent-Making.

Here is what you do:

1.) Don’t go there! An idle mind is a dangerous mind, and on average a “mans” mind will think of something sexual at least once a day, if not more, and you certainly don’t want this to be the time. I know I know, it’s really hard to do when you don’t see any woman all day, surrounded by other guys, and you have an attractive (at least on Slipstream) soigneur. I can think of other teams that would be just as bad if not worse.

A. HealthNet
B. T-Mobile/Highroad
C. Jelly Belly
D. FD Jeux
E. CSC

2.) Busy yourself. Your cell phone and email your mother. A good book perhaps, or the race bible and learn the technical crap on the course for tomorrow.

3.) If you’re close and on the edge, and you have a “half mast”, but not at full sail there is the old, “whoops gotta rearrange, it’s pinching funny” saying and technique. You wait till they look one way, and then quickly do a swipe pushing more towel in and around the stunted totem pole.

4.) Obviously, if you make it the full time while on your back, you’ll be safe on your stomach as you just do the tuck up to belly button.

I haven’t tested these methods for my own self use, but if I had to this is what I would’ve done.

“Wouldn’t it be great if woman weren’t weirded out by our boners, one day that’s the world I’ll live in.” Thank you and well put from the movie SuperBad.